Sunday morning RIDE: The one about DIVERSITY!

I just got the latest word on Sunday's early morning "RIDE". It's an early, decent paced, decent distance ride for fixed gears, single speeds, 30 speeds, carbon fiber, chromoly, or any other kind of bike you care to cruise on. Here's the details, as well as a bit of entertaining drama over last week's posting:

AN APOLOGY AND AN IVITATION

Well, it seems that I’ve stepped right in a pile of steaming poo. Subsequent to last week’s invitation, I was denounced as an elitist tool by one CL reader. Mr Winfield Bryant commented,

“So this is an all-American, everybody welcome ride....except for people who wear spandex and can ride fast? Who's the elitist?.....what a tool.”

Although Mr Bryant clearly reacted without reading the invitation carefully, in the spirit of 21st-century political correctness, I feel compelled to apologize.

To all those who were devastated by my cruel and thoughtless words, I sincerely apologize. To all those who felt threatened by my vicious and unwarranted attack on the only source of self-esteem in their drab, colorless lives I say, lighten up. Try laughing at yourselves occasionally. You might be surprised to find out how good it feels.

Since this debacle has no doubt already come to the attention of alert White House staffers, l now turn my efforts toward damage control. Accordingly, I will take this opportunity to announce the all-new, improved Sunday Morning Ride o’ Diversity. Rest assured that proactive steps are being taken to ensure that this ride is absolutely inclusive. We will welcome fixed-gear bikes, single-speed freewheelers, multi-gear road bikes, tall bikes, hybrid bikes, commuter bikes, comfort bikes, mountain bikes, BMX bikes, tandem bikes, low riders, beach cruisers and Shriner mini-bikes. Sorry if I missed anyone, but you’re welcome anyway.

But our commitment to diversity doesn’t stop there. In view of the fact that some cyclists apparently determine each other’s caste in the social order of cycling according to attire, let me assure you that diversity of clothing is also encouraged on this ride. I fully expect to see spandex shorts with mega-logo jerseys, BMX racer shorts with T-shirts, clown costumes and daishikis. (Eek! The word daishiki just brought to mind an image of Dan Del Santo. On a bicycle. It was horrible.)

In short, our objective is to allow every rider to experience this ride in a way that is most meaningful and least offensive to his, her or its own unique cultural perspective.

This week’s ride will roll from wherever you like whenever you feel like it, so as not to impose any unreasonable regimentation that might tend to interfere with anyone’s right to express himself, herself or itself freely. However, a launch from Posse East at 8:20 on Sunday morning is suggested. The route will be determined by a non-partisan panel of consultants whose sole interest will be to address everyone’s needs equally and impartially. Suggestions are encouraged, but don’t feel that you’re being pressured.

Those of you who have ridden with us before know how we roll. For those who haven’t, please read the blah-blah below. It’s important. Really.

• Some of us are down with the fixed gear deal, but mostly we’re just about riding. Bring whatcha got and ride with us.

• Every cyclist is responsible for his or her own safety and well-being. We assume that everyone is familiar with basic rules of cycling safety and has enough hours in the saddle to feel comfortable with his or her ride. Use of helmets is optional (but highly recommended). Use of headphones, earbuds, Blue Tooth headsets or any other form of electronic distraction is discouraged. (It’s a SOCIAL ride, dammit!) All traffic laws and rules of right-of-way will be observed. Here’s the deal:

SAFETY FIRST!!!!!

If someone gets killed, it ruins the ride for everybody.

• This ride is 25-30 miles long through mostly urban and suburban areas. There will be ample opportunities to refill liquids and obtain calories.

• IT’S HOT OUT THERE!!!!! Bring a water bottle. Bring two water bottles.

• There is no SAG support on this ride. Bring a spare tube and something that will inflate it.

• The purpose of this ride is for everyone to have a good time and (we hope) to become better cyclists. We ride at a social pace, and all skill levels are welcome. This is a 25-30 mile ride over flat to moderately-rolling terrain. If this is consistent with your riding experience, or is perhaps slightly more challenging than what you’re accustomed to, you should have no problem going the distance.

Come on, y’all. Join us and enjoy a liberating and empowering experience!

Unfortunately the apology seems to have been REJECTED, as the craigslist postings about this RIDE have been flagged and deleted rather quickly. What an asshole. Be at Posse East this Sunday morning at around 8am if you want to hang out and chill before the ride, as this crew leaves promptly at 8:20am.