Sunday morning RIDE: Calling all athletes!

I got the ride announcement for tomorrows Fixed Gear(or not) RIDE, and as usual it's a doozy. This time around Harry addresses the topic of athleticism and the professional "cyclist". Good stuff, read on:

THE COST OF EXCELLENCE

Everyone wants to excel at something. In a simpler time, when careers were not so complex, that excellence was achieved through professional competence. In those days, a person could be a really good homebuilder, or a really exceptional tailor, or a great chef or baker. People had leisure time activities to help them relax and enjoy a life perspective that was different from that of their professional pursuit. These activities were known as hobbies.

As life became more complex, and professional responsibilities became more specific, more esoteric and less satisfying, the relationship between job and leisure began to turn upside down. Ultimately, the job became something that people did to finance their leisure pursuits. And in the latter part of the twentieth century, the leisure pursuit of choice, the arena in which more and more people began to seek excellence, became athletics.

There is an inherent flaw in this desire for athletic accomplishment. “Recreational athletics” is a contradiction. Athletic excellence requires genetic endowment. Athletic excellence requires the discipline and the time to adhere to a specific regimen of training and diet. Clearly, not everyone is blessed with these assets. Fortunately, in America we have the Great Equalizer, which we also call money.

Now I won’t argue that spending money can’t make anyone a better cyclist, or swimmer, or whatever. I’m actually a passable swimmer today thanks to the efforts of a very patient swim coach. Spending money will not, however, make anyone an athlete. (See “genetic endowment” and “discipline”, above.) I’m amazed at the lengths to which we sometimes go in an effort to refute that rude, unbending fact. Consider this recent post from CL.

http://austin.craigslist.org/bik/1550660001.html

This individual is offering for sale a Hypoxico Everest Ascent Altitude Generator (with innumerable accessories) for the mere pittance of $2000. I was intrigued, so I followed the link to the manufacturer’s web site (http://www.hypoxico.com/). It seems that they produce machines that are used to deliberately induce hypoxia, or (to us common folk) “oxygen starvation.” The theory is that, if you become accustomed to getting by with a lot less oxygen than what you encounter in your usual environment, when you return to that relatively oxygen-rich environment, your performance will be radically enhanced. However, the manufacturer tells us that these devices aren’t just for athletes. They can also be used by plain ol’ folks who wish to enjoy the “health and wellness effects of high altitude.” Those effects are well-documented as including headache, dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, shortness of breath and chronic fatigue. Sign me up.

And it doesn’t stop there. Hypoxico has developed a whole range of accessories that enable us to adopt oxygen starvation as a lifestyle. (http://www.hypoxico.com/home_sleep.htm) These include (as featured in the CL post) the Portable Bed Tent, a gadget that looks like it should be in a critical care ward instead of your bed room. (I’m old enough to recall a time when sleeping under a pyramid of very specific proportions was said to enhance all aspects of life, and I worked with a person who swore by it. Don also ingested large quantities of a substance that tends to have the same effect, so I always took that claim with a grain of salt.) But wait, there’s more. You can install a hypoxic fishbowl within an existing room to enjoy the benefits of hypoxia while working in your home office. (Home office. Very telling clue as to the demographic of the prospective customer for this stuff.) But if you really want to go the whole route, why not turn an entire room in your home into a hypoxic chamber? Hypoxico can do that, too.

How about the cost? Hypoxico’s web site is not-so-strangely silent on that question. If you want a price, you’ll have to submit a questionnaire so that you can be contacted by a sales consultant. And contacted. And contacted. And contacted. Et cetera. I’m betting that if you gave these people your phone number you’d get more calls than a number from the men’s room wall at Rain on 4th.

So with all the fabulous benefits of hypoxia, you gotta wonder why this person is selling this priceless gear on CL. Perhaps Hypoxico’s regimen was so successful that this user has progressed to whatever is next. (I’m hearing that there’s an up-and-coming market in below-the-knee amputations for runners so that they can convert to blades. Lower moving mass, you know.) More likely, the user was a bored Dellionaire who had a brief enthusiasm for triathlon. Watch CL for his Specialized Tarmac at fire sale price.

As far as I can tell, there have been no athletes on our Sunday morning ride so far. Nonetheless, I will say once again that everyone is welcome. Wow, if we could get a real cyclist on this ride we’d probably all learn something. Join us on our regular weekly foray. We’ll launch from Clown Dog at 10:20 on Sunday morning. Route TBD. Bring some ideas.

Those of you who have ridden with us before know how we roll. For those who haven’t, please read the blah-blah below. It’s important. Really.

• Some of us are down with the fixed gear deal, but mostly we’re just about riding. Bring whatcha got and ride with us.

• Every cyclist is responsible for his or her own safety and well-being. We assume that everyone is familiar with basic rules of cycling safety and has enough hours in the saddle to feel comfortable with his or her ride. Use of helmets is optional (but highly recommended). Use of headphones, earbuds, Blue Tooth headsets or any other form of electronic distraction is discouraged. (It’s a SOCIAL ride, dammit!) All traffic laws and rules of right-of-way will be observed. Here’s the deal:

SAFETY FIRST!!!!!

If someone gets killed, it ruins the ride for everybody.

• This ride is 25-30 miles long through mostly urban and suburban areas. We do a convenience

store stop at about the halfway point for anyone who needs snacks or drinks.

• There is no SAG support on this ride. Bring a spare tube and something that will inflate it.

• The purpose of this ride is for everyone to have a good time and (we hope) to become better cyclists. We ride at a variable pace, according to the group on any given ride, and all skill levels are welcome. This is a 25-30 mile ride over typical Central Texas terrain. If this is consistent with your riding experience, or is perhaps slightly more challenging than what you’re accustomed to, you should have no problem going the distance.

Instead of investing in virtual hypoxia, I think I’ll just do an extra 50 miles this week. I guess I’m just too old and stubborn to accept new technology. I don’t need the headaches, either.

It’s time to ride.

If you're an athlete, go on the ride. If not, goon the ride! Swing by Clown Dog tomorrow morning around 10am to meet up with these cats for a nice 25+ mile cruise, then when you're done grab a beer and drop by Eastwoods Park for bike polo. Talk about the PERFECT Sunday morning.