I guess I'm probably not supposed to talk about this or something...

So I'm in Portland getting drunk and hitting up strip clubs with my lady and my bro. Portland fucking rules, if I could explain downtown it's pretty much like this: bar, bar, strip club, restaurant, bar, bar, stripclub, restaurant. Continue until you can't remember your name. I'm sure people ride bikes here or something, but I wouldn't know since I've been spending the evening stumbling around talking shit and getting in trouble. I love this place.

Buuuuuuuuuuut...

It seems like I'm not the most fucked up of us this evening, as this mysteriously showed up in my inbox a few hours ago:

Lemme guess what rules one and two are. If you want to know more, talk to this guy.

P.S. If you're reading this Mallory, leave my bro alone you bloodsucking leech! Goddamn!